Facing the F Word…

face-your-fearsHa…you thought it was THAT F word didn’t you? Okay, I’m kidding. I actually kind-of hate it when people do that…but yet, here we are…and I went there…

I didn’t actually mean THAT F word…Nope, I meant the word FEAR.

F-E-A-R

I have a lot of fear in my life. I think it’s due to the anxiety…regardless I have realized that the way I handle it transfers to my kids so I have to get it under control.

I am AMAZING in bizarre medical situations…the times I have had to cart the kids to the doc because of broken bones and stitches is ridiculous, but I have boys that are BOYS so we’ve had our share. That time Tim got shot? I thought it was a joke…until the paramedics got on the phone to give me the 411. Oops…okay, what hospital, where do I go?

Multiple people have told me that they are impressed with how calm I am…

What they don’t see are the nights before giant events where I have my freak-out moments on the phone with friends or at the house with Tim. They also don’t see me analyzing the CRUD out of comments I’ve made or situations that have occurred…and during National Disasters – yup, I’m the one glued to the news channels – doesn’t matter the channel – I’ve surfed it.

Being an overly analytical person can definitely cause me to fear some things. I have a MASSIVE fear of being fired. Not sure why, but I do…for the longest time ANY time  a superior would ask me to come into their office I would immediately go to the worst case scenario.

Today, I headed out for my sister’s bachelorette weekend. I was up crazy early (see my Facebook feed to find out why…it involves pumpkins and Louis Sacher) and of course my sweet 6 year old woke up wanting to watch his Kindle (we’ve instituted a No-Kindle During the Week Rule). I got him back in bed (but in OUR bed) and was saying good-bye when he started to cry.

He didn’t want MY PLANE TO CRASH.

Um…there have not been any recent plane crashes. I have NO CLUE where it came from, but there we were watching our youngest share his fear with us.

When I’m scared I talk to myself:

You CAN do this.

You ARE NOT WRONG in your thinking.

Your ARE capable!

The WORST is NOT going to happen.

We’ve been noticing that this same sweet boy is starting to utilize major negative phrasing…not about others, but about HIMSELF!

It breaks my heart EVERY time. I have to immediately stop what I’m doing and address it. I was at Walmart the last time it happened. We are in the store and I’m encouraging my child to yell out “I AM Smart!!!” “I AM Strong!!!”

I’m sure people thought I was CRAZY – but I didn’t care. I WILL NOT LET MY KIDS FALL VICTIM TO NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!

I have a CRAZY overconfident-borderline arrogant because he is SO confident in himself- child and I have another…wanting desperately to be like his older brother, but being a completely different child with totally different desires and talents.

Fear is the same as negative thoughts – they are ways to pull you away from how God wants us to feel about ourselves…

We stopped this morning and prayed with him together…and today when I was debating trying something new, I sucked it up and DID IT…because fear of the unknown is NOT going to control me…

Don’t let it control you. Pray through it and think about all the times that you wanted to let fear win, but didn’t – how did that feel? Keep looking to those moments and how the worst did not happen and let it guide your future experiences…you won’t regret it!

Lessons Learned from a Soccer Ball to the Face

a-little-progress-each-day-adds-up-to-big-resultsBelow is what I shared with my fitness/accountability group this morning…this seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life…but I’m noticing it pops up more when I have not been on point with my healthy eating. It completely messes with my system – and now that I’m laser focused on my health and fitness I can easily see the difference it makes (positive when I do what I should and negative when I don’t).

But…the key is to not let it derail me when I’m off…just like when my son got nailed in the face with a soccer ball at practice the other day (he was fine – stunned and a few tears, but no blood)…

He DID NOT want to go back into the game. I gave him some water, let him catch his breath and then encouraged him to go back in…and he did. He was nervous, but he DID IT!

At the end of practice there were no signs that he’d ever been hit in the face. I know that if I’d let him stop (like he wanted) then it would’ve been that much hard for him to go back to soccer because the hit to the face would be the only thing he remembered. Now he remembers the fun parts of soccer and the feeling of conquering that fear.

It’s the same with your health and fitness…if you slide one day and let that control you, it will be THAT much harder the next day and the next…but if you recognize the issues you can take back control and jump right back on track.


DAY 18 • Today at 4:33 AM ET

Can I be honest? I REALLY wanted to be PERFECT this week! Sounds so easy, right? Workout and shake everyday in the morning – that’s it and you guys are killing it!

But yesterday and the day before were ROUGH…I got workouts in, but the shakes lost out to sleep (not lying – I literally laid down thinking I’d get back up again and BAM I was out like a light)…

It’s 4:30am and I woke in a funk. I think it was due in part that I had some weird conversations with people yesterday regarding one of my kids and it just left me feeling off – like I did something wrong…which of course catapults me even farther into the funk b/c I’m not feeling like I’m on my A-game. The other part was my lack of shake and actual lunch (I’m being honest, remember?)…plus a drive-thru meal which was less than healthy…

It’s REALLY easy to let ourselves fall victim to the pile-on mentality…which is a term I just made up right now on the spot. Pile-On Mentality: When one thing goes wrong, it’s all going wrong, so we should just fold. Right now. Fold. We are going down with the ship.

I hate that feeling. I hate failure AND I’m a people pleaser, so I feel like I do the failure thing twice…once for me and then replaying it over and over again because obviously everyone else is thinking – “That GIRL – can’t she GET IT TOGETHER?”

Ha.

So I’m here to tell you – Yet Again – take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. It’s about the LONG Term NOT the SHORT Term. We are in it for the long haul – bumps, bruises and ALL.

I hope this encourages you today – that you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be honest with yourself. And then shake it off – like good ‘ole Tay-Tay sings 🙂

Yesterday was not my best day – but today is a NEW day. And I’m in it to win it:) Who’s with me?

Remembering…

psalm305I remember turning on the TV while Tim and I were preparing for our day.

I remember hurrying into the bedroom to get him when I realized what was happening.

I remember wondering why the news helicopter or plane was flying so close to the second tower…and then watching it hit the tower.

I remember going into my first class and my professor saying that we needed to focus on classwork…that while what was going on was terrible, everything would be fine.

I remember the next day when that same professor cried and apologized for not taking it more seriously.

I remember staring up at the sky and thinking it was bizarre with no planes in the sky and being grateful that my uncle, who flew for American was safe and my step-dad and uncle who are also pilots were safe – stranded in other states, but safe.

I remember reaching out to friends that I hadn’t talked to in years, to make sure that they were okay – and that there friends and families were as well.

I remember the discussions Tim and I had about bringing kids into the world under these circumstances.

I remember staring at a gas station sign in Tulsa, OK while at a stop light as it hit me that there are people in the world who might not have the comfort of Jesus during that time and wondering how they were processing everything going on.

I remember praying that I would never be in that place – with no hope, no comfort.

I remember the country drawing together. I remember friends and strangers comforting each other.

I remember…

 

RumHaven

RumHavenI’m not a huge cocktail maker. I always have great intentions of muddling and shaking, but by the time I get home I pull out the wine and pour myself a gl

ass! (A little like going to the grocery store and then getting home and ordering pizza, right?)

Earlier this year we launched a new brand called RumHaven and when I say I LOVE it, I MEAN it!

So much so that I tell EVERYONE about it. ‘Cause I’m crazy like that:)

So what is this RumHaven?

It’s a Coconut Rum made with real Coconut Water – and it’s amazing!

My favorite cocktail is called the Splash:

The Splash

The Splash

Ingredients:

  • 2.5 oz RumHaven
  • 2 oz Soda Water
  • Splash of lime juice (0.5 oz)

Directions:
Garnish with lime wedge. Build all ingredients into a tall glass, stir, add ice

Snow Cones and Tardies.

9.2.16Snow Cones-1

Today was rough…it ended on a super high note, but the beginning was tough. If you want a clue as to how rough – I’ve had a glass of wine and am now consuming coffee (not that coffee! I am staying true to my word…but oh was it HARD today!)

I should probably start with yesterday…because that set the tone for today. Friday’s prior to holidays are usually busy for my department. Typically, we are gathering food together (aka shopping our local mega club store) for a company cookout. The day of the cookout is spent organizing and then playing food runner (from grill to meeting room) for several hours. Yesterday, half our department (all of 1) was dealing with product for our upcoming trade show and the other half (me) was dealing with setting up for today’s giant indoor picnic. It would’ve been easy…had I not forgotten that this was also the same day that I was supposed to have snack for my 6 year old’s soccer team.

So I picked up snacks and had the goal of setting up for our night crew’s dinner and then jetting up to the soccer match for the last 5 minutes of the game. I kind-of imagined swooping in at the last minute and all the kids surrounding me cheering…

There would be no cheering…because there was no snack…because I was still on the interstate when my husband called to see how close I was to the field…and I was still a good 20 minutes away.

Cue this morning…I fell asleep last night prior to working out…prior to making sure all the dishes were in the dishwasher. Fabulous. So I got up and then hustled the boys out of bed. They ate, I dressed and then fussed at them to get dressed…and in the car…and my lovely 6 year old, who is very rules focused, was quite content to have a long running argument with his older brother…which caused us to be slightly late. Which wouldn’t have been a big deal…

BUT…

I was so tired of being late I opted to try an alternate route to the school.

And missed the turn.

Causing us to be 5 minutes later.

And then there were the snow cones…

Why do we do snow cones in elementary school – I mean it’s sugar and ice…sugar and FOOD COLORING and ice…Red Dye 40 anyone??

I digress.

So we pull up late to the school and the kids are like, “Mom, don’t forget about the snow cones.” Mind you they’ve been talking about them the ENTIRE ride to school…missed turns and all…I have cash so I’m like, “Fear not kids, I have the money – I’m just going to pay the school and you’ll be good.to.go.”

Yeah..no.

So I get the kids checked in – tardy slips in had they head off to class.

The school administrator is looking at me because she’s about to leave and so I say, “I’ll wait, I just have to pay for snow cones.”

And she says, “We aren’t taking money at the front office for snow cones. We sent home a note. The kids had to bring it with them.”

Longer story slightly shorter…there was no way to break the $20 and I felt like a jerk. Not only did I send my kids to their classrooms thinking they were going to be getting the snow cones, I also had the joy of knowing they’d be told by administrators that they weren’t getting snow cones because mom didn’t have exact change. And I was late to school that day.

I’m not going to lie. I totally called my husband and cried. Over snow cones and tardiness.

#EpicMomFail

My husband offered to go up to the school and make demands on my behalf…which I totally appreciated, but also knew would do no good. I’m not mad at the school. I remember reading the sheet about not sending up $$ for snow cones during the school day…but apparently I didn’t read it clearly…or I forgot what I read. I’m okay with rules. They are there for a reason and I imagine last year they spent a good amount of time running $ to kids who’d forgotten their snow cone money…and I’m sure one of those times it was my husband doing it on my behalf.

I truly cried out of frustration at myself for not being good enough. Not being responsible enough to be organized and together enough to be the mom that can pull everything off.

I’m a working mom and should be able to get it together. It’s not like I didn’t know about the snow cones the night before…Lincoln TOOK NOTES on the types of snow cones he could buy at school.

My kids survived…obviously. This is a first world problem if I ever heard one…and I survived. My day picked up and ended on a high note from a conversation with a person I highly respect.

Screen Shot 2016-09-02 at 10.24.57 PMAnd then my library emailed me and told me the audio book I requested titled “For the Love” by Jen Hatmaker had been released to me…and I smiled. God was smiling. The full title of the book is: “For the Love, Fight for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards”.

See, I’m going to fail. I’m going to disappoint others and most of all, I’m going to disappoint myself.

I hate the feeling that comes with it, but I also know that it’s a temporary feeling. My kids will get over it and I will too. I will do my best to have exact change next time…

But I will also give myself grace. I am not perfect. I never will be. It’s not the first time I have disappointed my kids and it won’t be the last. I’m not really sure why this is the time I was reduced to tears, but I imagine it won’t be the last time either.

My friends reminded me that while it was frustrating, I thumb_IMG_1296_1024wasn’t a bad mom. There were a dozen things I COULD have done that would put me in that category, but truthfully, forgetting snow cone $ was not one of them. And another person reminded me that my kids are not going to remember this – probably ever. It’s not a scarring event. It’s a one-off. They are going to instead remember me playing with them, helping them, and encouraging them.

So for all the moms out there thinking that they are terrible moms because of the things they have done or forgotten to do – know that I’m right there with you…but even more than that know your kids love you. Give yourself the grace you deserve…and if that isn’t working, give me a call. I have a friend who’s husband is a police officer and he will gladly tell you of moms who have done much much worse…and while it’s not pretty…it will make you realize that you are a good mom…even if you don’t feel like it at the moment:)